…my heart’s in one piece but it sure is all over the place right now.
it’s so strange to be back here - there are a lot of ways it’s just plain relieving - i feel understood in those ways, like a huge sigh of relief that i don’t have to explain or apologize for myself - that i’m not “harsh”, just… a new yorker. in others, well, it’s like bringing the new and improved version back home. i’m having to present it to people with a little trepidation - will they believe me? will they acknowledge it?
life has come full circle… i spent the day and much of the evening with an old love yesterday - one of the biggest ones. time has passed, the cat’s gotten really fat, and we are different people as well as being very much the same. being with him was an eye opener, now that i have finally figured out how to see - most apparent really are the patterns that are now so obvious as to who i choose to love (i’m a very lucky woman in that respect).
i was just happy he was willing to see me at all, really - i was a terrible asshole to the man who saw me through my saturn return and watched me walk away when it was over. i was a jealous monster back then, a woman who didn’t trust men and didn’t really know how to love and a girl who couldn’t take a shit in the woods…
oh how times have changed - we’ve moved into older, more authentic versions of ourselves and he has acknowledged the change in me without judgement. and like a fool, i can’t stop crying this morning. it’s a sort of catharsis kind of cry - like i’ve been forgiven.
Filed under: miscellaneous | Tagged: asshole, authenticity, ex, heartache, relationships, time
